We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize