clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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