He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He has the fingertips of a God
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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