you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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