My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Terrible idea I love it
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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