I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
