My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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