im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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