Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
