We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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