her vagine was all disorganized.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
