Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
