Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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