wat bout pragnant strippers??
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
