Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
