office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
