I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
