My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Randomize
