I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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