You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
