I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Blood and glitter go together right?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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