It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
