I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
