dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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