can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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