To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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