I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
