You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
