someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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