and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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