I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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