Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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