did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
