shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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