It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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