apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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