i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
