why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
