I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
