real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
