Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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