thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I love having hate sex.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
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