i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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