I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
