i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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