Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize