he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize