Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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