we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
