I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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