she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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