I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
