I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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