Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
