how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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