Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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