bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
All the doctor said was why
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
