i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
