This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Boobs are out for the taking
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
