I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
