I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
