Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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