What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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