So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
