I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
