Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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