remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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