I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
