We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
