Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Liz is crying about burritos again.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
