This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
