She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
