I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
